PARAMOUNT

I have a lot of bad days, which makes the good days that I have paramount in my life. This week I have been observing the things that simply make me happy because they are. I decided to start compiling a list, so that I can refer back to it on those (all to often) bad days.

• Walking through fallen leaves.
• Clouds, especially wispy ones.
• Writing poetry.
• Auditioning.
• Performing.
• Being Creative.
• Bar tending.
• Friends.

OK, so maybe the list isn't that large, or amazing, but it is nice to pick out the few things that make the bad days worth surviving.

SOMETIMES

Sometimes I

SPARKLE,

Most times I

FLICKER.

Sometimes I

FLASH,

Most times I

FADE.

Sometimes I

SING,

Most times I

SIGH.

Sometimes I

STAND OUT,

Most times I

HIDE.

MOST of the time,

I wish SOMETIMES,

Was ALL the time.

SEARCHING FOR JOY

Make me happy.
Help me smile.
I am crying.
I am lost.
Show me how to get home.
Your joy is real.
My pain is strong.
I'm scared I will never arrive.
Share your delight.
Lead me to love.
I am standing here waiting for truth.

A JUMPING OFF POINT

How do I fix the issues that I have with myself?


-Pick a specific issue from each area, and work on that, let everything else go for the time being. Until I have fixed one thing I cant be expected to work on anything else. Stop asking and pushing for to much, if my plate is to full I will never finish anything. Pacing!


What are the specific issues that I am having?


~Intimacy~
o Dependence
o Love
o Rape
o Sex
o Loneliness

~Fitness~
o Weight
o Body
o Sleep
o Medication
o Desirability

~Friendship~
o People
o Purpose
o Give and Take
o Reason and Quality

~School~
o Focus
o Major
o Grad School
o Quality of Education

~God~
o Existance
o Purpose
o Love
o How
o Why
o Struggles

Have I considered all types of counseling and therapy that are available to me?
- School Mental Health Counselors
- Family Doctor
- Anti-doctors

HOW DO I FIX WHATS BROKEN?

I think that there is something in my mind that is broken. The problem is that I am not exactly sure what it is. This month is when it all comes together(executive decision). I am turning 25, and I dont know who I am. This cannot continue. I started a list of personal issues to work on, and so I will have to really try to find the lose screw. I hope that I can figure out a way to repair my shattered mind.